Re: China

ok sure I'll go to china just as soon as I pay next month's r..e...



...OH GODDAMMIT NEIL PATRICK HARRIS DON'T START THIS AGAIN.

The Hipsters Are Getting Restless

So Indiana just got called for Obama... which will more than likely be followed by North Carolina and Missouri!? DOES TEH WINNINGS EVER STOP!? NO I DO NOT TINK SO... 4 YEARS OF WIN.

Like many other parts of the world, people convened on the streets of Brooklyn last night to celebrate the obamavictory. Shedding the practiced veils of apathetic-cool, the hip-ass kids took to the streets. Tight jeans, sunglasses at night, and cans of PBR spilled onto Bedford Ave in Williamsburg in a druken, freedom-loving orgy of previously burried patriotism.

Today in the blogosphere revelers whined about getting pushed, shoved, and in some cases even kicked by police who were called to relieve street congestion and kill fun. The NYPD issued a response in the New York Times claiming back injuries and beer-bottle-to-noggin-contact by fault of the kids (who built this election on rock 'n roll and viral videos).

As I wasn't there, but rather a few blocks away curled up in a blanket, I can't definitively say which side is the mcwhiney pants who had to take a ride in the waaahmbulance. But I am excited at the prospect that in this political arc we're riding, there is a distinct possibility that there will be a resurgence of dancing in the street.

Dear Dr. Evil,

I have no conception of what a billion dollars is. To me it's just as amorphous as a bazillion elephants or a munchzillion quarter pounders (the official number of burgers stolen by the Hamburgler just last year).
So I've quantified this magic $700,000,000,000 into figures that I can understand.


I understand: 1 dollar billz
700billion one dollar bills lined up end to end could GO AROUND THE EARTH 26.62 times


I understand: ponies
I picked out this pony named Beryl. I could buy her, and 2,799,000 ponies just like her with 700billion dollar$.


I understand (and hate): Damien Hirst
Seriously F*ck Damien Hirst.
With 700billion clams I could buy his piece "For the love of God" and the rest of his goddamn collection and burn it all...and he would still have the last laugh.


I understand: Magic
700billion dollars > David Blaine's life




This all makes so much more sense now.

glamerica

One road trip and 40+ electronic resumes later (tangible evidence=0), I finally got an interview at the end of August. The managing editor couldn't resist when I showed up pertly dressed in business formal...probably immediately smitten with my sharp wit, raven-like eyes, the homemade "CONFIDENCE = COMPETENCE" pin on my lapel, and love of artisanal cheeses and anal-retentive workflows. AHA! And so I was offered a job.

(This isn't what happened at all. In fact, one of her interview questions was this: "As a stagnating bean sprout in the primordial pool of the entry-level, how do you sooth yourself to sleep at night through the shuddering sobs of self-denigration and hopelessness?" and I cried a little bit when I told her about a camp song that I sometimes sing)

I did get the job. I've finally moved into my Bushwick (or, in realtor speak, "East Williamsburg") sublet. I have a new home, and a new job. My new grocery store is the Food Bazaar and I can afford Top Ramen every other week. Could it be the American Dream?

So it's not exactly glamourous. But then again, isn't it? You get swept up in the Machine with your well-painted mask of apathy, but it's one that mercifully cracks from time to time. Holy bodega, look at us go. I can see all of Manhattan out my window, and I don't hate it.

What's up, thousands?

("applying for entry level," www.toothpastefordinner.com)