Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Everybody Move to China

srsly. do. it. All I keep hearing is that the economy sucks in America. Why don't you all come here? Let's hang out! China owns America's foreign debt. Come over here and help get it back.

That said, I'm looking for an intern. It's an unpaid position, but you'll get really good free food and drinks at least a few times a week (and the rest of the food is cheap). You can sleep on the couch. I promised Hayk hugs. You can all have hugs (unlike interest rates and mortgage stuff that I don't understand, a surplus of hugs does not devalue the hug economy).

  • Understands the word Internet (see also: tubes, interweb, etc.)
  • Can write
  • Can walk
Multitasking not required, but if you can walk and chew gum at the same time, then you're in.

Other helpful skillz (not required):

  • Internet skillz
  • Language skills
  • Adobe CS skillz
  • nunchuck skillz (sorry, I had to do it)

If you apply for this position, then you will be hired. I guarantee plenty of time to also find a "real job" that pays you loads of money while you're an intern. I will also make you sexy business cards that you can use for "networking." When the company hits it big, interns will get to share the bounty (that's how the pirates did it, and that's how we're doing it).

Note that the position is only unpaid because no one is making money on this project yet. So, technically, you won't be an intern so much as a founding partner.

Do you know how much the founding partners of Google are worth?
Neither do I. But I'm sure it's a lot.

Also note: creative people are in high demand here. Leon Leon Leon could make money money money djing in clubs. Look, Orion! could go on tour. There is freelance writing and photography work galore. Graphic design? You betcha. And what's more: when all else fails, you can make a FORUNE teaching English - the easiest job in the world.

All this for the low low price of one plane ticket to China. There are even direct flights from New York. And there's a crazy time difference, so you get to travel to the future (true story: when I post something on facebook, it says that I did it "tomorrow").

Beardsley: there are French people here too. You could even get a job speaking French all day. It's practically Paris, except with fewer berets and baguettes.

Howe: Every great writer did his finest work in exile. Think Joyce, Hemingway, Forster... you know, ALL of them.

Zam: music.

HayK: Art. Artists. Cheap art supplies. umm... other stuff.

Wool: ditto. Also, like I said, plenty of opportunities to be a photographer.

Ricky: More opportunities to be witty on the Internet and less snow to get you down when you're driving.

Everyone else: this post is getting too long. Move to Beijing for a while! It'll be fun!


Picky Rukulski said...

My name is Dan Wisenuts
and I'm here to say,
come depatriate
And do shit for no pay
Forget eagles and gold
I got yo pandas and lead
A rainbow kiss market
oldskool commie red

wut wut
witty interniity
zip zip raaaap

Pricky Repulski said...

I'm just fronting to hide how much I really want to do this.

Dan Weisman said...

It's better than doing nothing for no pay.

Ricky said...

... yeah... but is it really?

but when push comes to shove, I would much rather do something for nothing in the orient than face the possibility of doing nothing for nothing or something for something or nothing for something.

HayK47 said...

new favorite thing:

Ricky said...

holy hot crap that is awesome, hayk