Thursday, September 25, 2008

Ahead of their time...

Aww! The new building at the California Academy of Sciences (below) looks JUST like the Teletubby den (above)!

Story about greeeeeen architecture here. Time for tubby bye-bye!


I want to LEARN magic. Somebody should INVENT magic.

Dear Dr. Evil,

I have no conception of what a billion dollars is. To me it's just as amorphous as a bazillion elephants or a munchzillion quarter pounders (the official number of burgers stolen by the Hamburgler just last year).
So I've quantified this magic $700,000,000,000 into figures that I can understand.

I understand: 1 dollar billz
700billion one dollar bills lined up end to end could GO AROUND THE EARTH 26.62 times

I understand: ponies
I picked out this pony named Beryl. I could buy her, and 2,799,000 ponies just like her with 700billion dollar$.

I understand (and hate): Damien Hirst
Seriously F*ck Damien Hirst.
With 700billion clams I could buy his piece "For the love of God" and the rest of his goddamn collection and burn it all...and he would still have the last laugh.

I understand: Magic
700billion dollars > David Blaine's life

This all makes so much more sense now.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Taking it (back) to the Streets

Hey, Kids - I know I've been scarce on this here blog. It may have to do with getting myself halfway around the world. Here's a post-Olympics update from the BJ:

I came to Beijing without much of a plan, but I did have one thought fully formulated: “Street food.”

I’m not talking about kosher hot dogs served to you from the gloved hands of an Egyptian pushing a refrigerated five-star restaurant. I’m not talking about a cheese-steak fresh from the back of the truck on the corner of 38th and Walnut. Hell, I’m not talking about anything that would pass health code.

I’m talking about meat that has been sitting in a Styrofoam cooler for the last ten hours and pancakes grilled on coal-fired stoves propped precariously on pedestrian-pulled wheelbarrows. The closest thing here to a foot-long is a strip of chicken on a stick, reddened with spicy pepper and too hot to eat without the help of a big bottle of beer.

The problem, which I only learned about as I hit the streets in search of breakfast, is that street-vendors had been sent packing during the Olympics. I learned of this disappointing situation when I sought out a breakfast of jian bing after spending a jetlagged and drunken night craving any food at all.

Jian bing consist of a delectable compilation of eggs, pancakes, chives, cilantro, and mystery sauce. If you find the right stand, then they also might feature black sesame seeds. I have never laid taste buds to a more satisfying street food. Once upon a time in China jian bing vendors were more ubiquitous than Starbucks, but times are changing.

During my hunt for breakfast, I may have burned more calories than one pancake could replace. In a five-block radius, I did not find a single food cart. When I finally did get my snack (it could hardly be called breakfast anymore), it came from a storefront window. My hunger sated, I turned only to thoughts of disappointment at the turn modernization had taken.

Fortunately, it seems that the "improvement" to the streets of Beijing was only temporary. Already, things are going back to normal. Tonight I saw the rebirth of open-air restaurants that consist of a card table and a grill full of meat sticks. Tomorrow I anticipate the return of the jian bing. The one constant truth about Beijing is that when it changes, it changes fast.

As for my plan here in Beijing: one of my friends has a barbeque. I think I’ll start selling burgers and hotdogs outside of the Llama Temple. The going rate for a burger in this town is close to twenty dollars, so I'm sure I’ll do just fine.

Monday, September 22, 2008


the guy in the dark knight who plays the schizophrenic freak who works for the joker (he's the guy that has the "officer dawes" uniform on during the police parade, you know, the guy harvey dent/two-face/aaron eckhart almost kills in rage, who also everyone thinks is the same guy who plays the scarecrow who he actually ISN'T because that's cilian murphy who is a different but equally if not more awesome actor who has been in movies such as 28 days later, red eye, and the wind that shakes the barley) is in the latest wendy's commercials that are showing on tv !!!

i just realized this! his name is dave dastmalchian

the only other thing i can find him in is
this commercial for cingular


Dr. Seuss just got served

So it turns out that the guy whose signature is on all our dollar bills is a Dartmouth grad. His name's Hank Paulson, and he's the "Secretary of the Treasury". I emailed him yesterday for an interview ( We chatted this afternoon:

RickyRetardo_08: a/s/l
SpankPaulson_68: ha ha
SpankPaulson_68: how are u today
RickyRetardo_08: Great, thanks! And you?
SpankPaulson_68: oh geez, i'm SWAMPED at work
SpankPaulson_68: seriously tho, i've gotten like 2 hours of sleep
RickyRetardo_08: what, are they making you sign all the newly designed pennies ;)
SpankPaulson_68: haha, no this whole market shit is my department
SpankPaulson_68: so screwed. f u c kkkkkkk
SpankPaulson_68: but what's going on with you?
RickyRetardo_08: oh, i got some green sculpy clay today
RickyRetardo_08: and i'm going to make a little alligator figurine
RickyRetardo_08: while i watch heroes tonight :D
SpankPaulson_68: haha thats awesome
RickyRetardo_08: I know, right? I can make you one too...
SpankPaulson_68: really? yes puh-lease
RickyRetardo_08: sure, I'd just need a little $$ to buy more clay
SpankPaulson_68: no prob, how much
RickyRetardo_08: OH JUST 700 BILLION DOLLARS
SpankPaulson_68: >: (
SpankPaulson_68: fuck you, you have no idea what its like
RickyRetardo_08: ~~~GOTCHA BITCH~~~

la la la

man i haven't posted in what seems like ages! i've been working hard (one day a week), buying groceries on the regular (bread, salami, and sushi), and playing hardcore video games (i am now a proud level 40 in halo 3, also, travis beat grand theft auto 4).

how do i fit in the time to BLOG ???

if you haven't heard, travis barker (drummer from blink 182, prob the only good thing from that band) and dj am were seriously injured in a plane crash this past week. four other passengers died - that darned celebrity luck! the l.a. dj scene is a lot different than the east coast scene. it's a lot more glamorous, a lot more flashy, and a lot more narcissistic. dj am is part of the same high flyin', hollywood associatin' club family of steve aoki, etc.

and mia moretti.

mia moretti is yet another female dj for boys all over the world to drool over. there's not much more sexy than a girl spinning at a club. it's like watching a dog walk on its hind feet; at first it seems wrong, but then it seems so, so right. mia's been tearing up clubs in l.a. for a while, but she recently embarked on a nationwide tour with the summer's new pop sensation, katy perry. yea that's right, mia moretti is katy perry's personal dj. CAN IT GET ANY BETTER ??

(i mean what if they made out with each other omg)

katy perry - hot n cold (mia moretti remix)