Dear Dr. Evil,

I have no conception of what a billion dollars is. To me it's just as amorphous as a bazillion elephants or a munchzillion quarter pounders (the official number of burgers stolen by the Hamburgler just last year).
So I've quantified this magic $700,000,000,000 into figures that I can understand.


I understand: 1 dollar billz
700billion one dollar bills lined up end to end could GO AROUND THE EARTH 26.62 times


I understand: ponies
I picked out this pony named Beryl. I could buy her, and 2,799,000 ponies just like her with 700billion dollar$.


I understand (and hate): Damien Hirst
Seriously F*ck Damien Hirst.
With 700billion clams I could buy his piece "For the love of God" and the rest of his goddamn collection and burn it all...and he would still have the last laugh.


I understand: Magic
700billion dollars > David Blaine's life




This all makes so much more sense now.

We are all Going to Die

Being at work an hour early makes me want to kick puppies, blog, and generally make others suffer with me. Good thing the end of the world is near.

The Large Hardon Collider (insert graphic joke set up here) has officially been turned on (punchline).

According to the BBC, everyone is very optimistic and things seem to be going on well enough so far. So what does this doomsday contraption do? send particles at each other so freaking fast that they...well...nobody knows exactly what happens when particles smash into each other at that speed.

"We will be looking at what the Universe was made of billionths of a second after the Big Bang. That is amazing, that really is fantastic."

The LHC should answer one very simple question: What is mass?

"We know the answer will be found at the LHC," said Jim Virdee, a particle physicist at Imperial College London.

The currently favoured model involves a particle called the Higgs boson - dubbed the "God Particle". According to the theory, particles acquire their mass through interactions with an all-pervading field carried by the Higgs.

We're looking for "the answer" and "God." And we're looking for them on the French-Swiss border.
Ok. So this is pretty much my idea of what is happening right now:

Curtain Rises
Enter stage right: Julie Andrews and Trapp family fresh faced and rosy cheeked out of the alps, singing about figs.

Enter stage left: Patrick "Professor Xavier" Stewart on his floating handicap steed of steel, singing about Cerebro.

The two run/float quickly up the hill, unabashedly prancing about in such a careless manner that they collide! OH NO.

Enter stage somewhere: A mouse and the number 42.

Curtain Falls
The end. (quite literally- the end of everything)
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