* note: I ripped the formatting from this bit in the New Yorker
How're you all doin' tonight!! [raise microphone]
(cheers)
I know you've got troubles... GOD DAMN BANK TROUBLES
(boos)
Yeah, we know we're supposed to budget our income, right?
Not wasting it all on SHOES and CIGARETTES and PANTS
( cheers )
So we put it "INTO SAVINGS"! [air quoting]
What does that mean? WHAT. DOES. THAT. MEAN?!
Friends, the term "savings" comes from the english word safe
....but shouldn't safe money RELIABLY EXIST.
( laughter )
Haha, but my bank's all "What money? Now?"
Like, he's rustling around behind the counter, looking sad
Saying excuses like "My other friend's still using it."
Haha, WHAT?
( laughter )
Let me see your vault... EMPTY!
EMPTY like my tummy. Twigs for dinner. Shit.
( laughter )
When that vault's empty... people flip out, can you believe it?
They freak! Running to the bank like animals, sobbing
Just like in that movie "It's a Wonderful Life"
..... and it's sequel "the Great Depression".
( polite laughter )
Alright, who here loves politicians & financial institutions?
( boos )
Ha, I'm just joking. It's what I do.
But I do love my country,
and that's why I buy US Treasury bonds [perform Taps on harmonica]
( courageous patriotism )
Showing posts with label would you like fries with that?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label would you like fries with that?. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Taking it (back) to the Streets
Hey, Kids - I know I've been scarce on this here blog. It may have to do with getting myself halfway around the world. Here's a post-Olympics update from the BJ:
I came to Beijing without much of a plan, but I did have one thought fully formulated: “Street food.”
I’m not talking about kosher hot dogs served to you from the gloved hands of an Egyptian pushing a refrigerated five-star restaurant. I’m not talking about a cheese-steak fresh from the back of the truck on the corner of 38th and Walnut. Hell, I’m not talking about anything that would pass health code.
I’m talking about meat that has been sitting in a Styrofoam cooler for the last ten hours and pancakes grilled on coal-fired stoves propped precariously on pedestrian-pulled wheelbarrows. The closest thing here to a foot-long is a strip of chicken on a stick, reddened with spicy pepper and too hot to eat without the help of a big bottle of beer.
The problem, which I only learned about as I hit the streets in search of breakfast, is that street-vendors had been sent packing during the Olympics. I learned of this disappointing situation when I sought out a breakfast of jian bing after spending a jetlagged and drunken night craving any food at all.
Jian bing consist of a delectable compilation of eggs, pancakes, chives, cilantro, and mystery sauce. If you find the right stand, then they also might feature black sesame seeds. I have never laid taste buds to a more satisfying street food. Once upon a time in China jian bing vendors were more ubiquitous than Starbucks, but times are changing.
During my hunt for breakfast, I may have burned more calories than one pancake could replace. In a five-block radius, I did not find a single food cart. When I finally did get my snack (it could hardly be called breakfast anymore), it came from a storefront window. My hunger sated, I turned only to thoughts of disappointment at the turn modernization had taken.
Fortunately, it seems that the "improvement" to the streets of Beijing was only temporary. Already, things are going back to normal. Tonight I saw the rebirth of open-air restaurants that consist of a card table and a grill full of meat sticks. Tomorrow I anticipate the return of the jian bing. The one constant truth about Beijing is that when it changes, it changes fast.
As for my plan here in Beijing: one of my friends has a barbeque. I think I’ll start selling burgers and hotdogs outside of the Llama Temple. The going rate for a burger in this town is close to twenty dollars, so I'm sure I’ll do just fine.
I came to Beijing without much of a plan, but I did have one thought fully formulated: “Street food.”
I’m not talking about kosher hot dogs served to you from the gloved hands of an Egyptian pushing a refrigerated five-star restaurant. I’m not talking about a cheese-steak fresh from the back of the truck on the corner of 38th and Walnut. Hell, I’m not talking about anything that would pass health code.
I’m talking about meat that has been sitting in a Styrofoam cooler for the last ten hours and pancakes grilled on coal-fired stoves propped precariously on pedestrian-pulled wheelbarrows. The closest thing here to a foot-long is a strip of chicken on a stick, reddened with spicy pepper and too hot to eat without the help of a big bottle of beer.
The problem, which I only learned about as I hit the streets in search of breakfast, is that street-vendors had been sent packing during the Olympics. I learned of this disappointing situation when I sought out a breakfast of jian bing after spending a jetlagged and drunken night craving any food at all.
Jian bing consist of a delectable compilation of eggs, pancakes, chives, cilantro, and mystery sauce. If you find the right stand, then they also might feature black sesame seeds. I have never laid taste buds to a more satisfying street food. Once upon a time in China jian bing vendors were more ubiquitous than Starbucks, but times are changing.
During my hunt for breakfast, I may have burned more calories than one pancake could replace. In a five-block radius, I did not find a single food cart. When I finally did get my snack (it could hardly be called breakfast anymore), it came from a storefront window. My hunger sated, I turned only to thoughts of disappointment at the turn modernization had taken.
Fortunately, it seems that the "improvement" to the streets of Beijing was only temporary. Already, things are going back to normal. Tonight I saw the rebirth of open-air restaurants that consist of a card table and a grill full of meat sticks. Tomorrow I anticipate the return of the jian bing. The one constant truth about Beijing is that when it changes, it changes fast.
As for my plan here in Beijing: one of my friends has a barbeque. I think I’ll start selling burgers and hotdogs outside of the Llama Temple. The going rate for a burger in this town is close to twenty dollars, so I'm sure I’ll do just fine.
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