Hurricane Watch

Just an update everyone- I got a little wet walking to the bodega next door today but I THINK IT WILL ALL BE OK. Or at least that's what Miley has taught me.

Pop Quiz, Hotshots

WHO ARE YOU?

A.
My soul is a sore foot!
My body's just a new sock!

B.
Ricky Pukulski

C.
A point of consciousness
6 feet above the ground

D.
Not a fucking poet, that's for sure

RESULTS (POLLS ARE CLOSED):

A = 30 %
B = nobody %
C = 20 %
D = 50 %

unDEAD unDEAD unDEAD.... undead.

When Senator McCain or Governor Palin talk on the TV, I turn the volume way low and just play Bauhaus over them.

THE BATS HAVE LEFT THE BELL TOWER

THE VICTIMS HAVE BEEN BLED
RED VELVET LINES THE BLACK BOX
BELA LUGOSI'S DEAD
UNDEAD UNDEAD UNDEAD

McCain Speech

I don't feel qualified to offer political analysis, but I must say it is exciting to be able to choose between two excellent presidential candidates. In 2004, I chose the least worst.

Pull out all the stops in combating the energy crisis? Increase the child tax credit to help families? Build education options to hold failing schools accountable and ultimately increase their effectiveness? Use decades of experience with war and foreign policy to work toward an enduring and stable peace? Put aside differences and build consensus to move the country forward? Pretty difficult ideals to ignore!

I certainly agree with any candidate who promotes an enabling government rather than a dictating government. There is no substitute for hard work and responsible living. Dare I say these ideals are incompatible with whining and complaining? I never though I would consider John McCain endearing. I don't mean to say that my vote is decided, but tonight McCain made a very strong case for himself.

"Foundational" Discovery!

Rated: G

According to a nytimes.com article reporting on an article to be published in Science, scientists from the United States and Israel have pinpointed individual brain cells in the act of remembering! AND the cells firing during the act of recall were the same ones that were most active while the memory was encoded! These brainiacs were even able to identify the memories to be recalled one to two seconds in advance. My mind is absolutely blowwwwn mannn. Far. Out.

The New York Times article

BREAKING NEWS

For a long time I had the habit of replacing the common saying, "when pigs fly" with, "when an elephant goes cold turkey." THANKS THE BBC FOR RUINING THAT FOR ME.



Next in the News:
Elephant gives Pete Doherty tips on how to be a functional human being

Live blog

Wow, I haven't watched the news on TV in so long. It turns out that v-roll of police cars is still something novel. The newscasters have also called into question the intelligence of the candidates "are they smarter than a sixth grader?" The good news: blogs must be how most people get their news because even the talking heads are blogging when they're off camera.

Multi-tasking, I found these naked pictures of Sarah Palin (supposedly) on a French blog:


10:30 Palin: Thank you, Audience: Woooooooooooooooo! I'm adopting this as my new form of "you're welcome" not to be confused with "Woooo," which means "I'm good. How are you?"
10:31 I spy the Liberty Bell. Isn't that cracked? Also, she just said "you're welcome" before anyone said "thank you."
10:33 The new slide shows a... phallus
10:33 S? what's the S stand for?
10:34 He's got GUTS. The voters knew better: they saw him scale that Aggro Crag! He also didn't change his uniform for 22 years.
10:35 She wants her son to be the president. USA USA USA. MOMS! UNITE! September 11. Deploy troops. Oh shit, we're going to hell.
10:36 Phallus, USA, My children: Two boys and 3 strong and kind-hearted daughters. Can we get a fact-checker here? Also, can we really trust a woman who names her kids Track and Trig?
10:39 My husband rides big gas-guzzling machines, and he has quite a package. How about that? Now don't you get in my way or my husband will kick your ass!
10:40 My whole family is here, so don't embarrass me!
10:41 Cut to commercial. The drinking work would be America, but let's change it up and just drink whenever we remember that her accent makes her more lovable and down to earth.
10:44 does the convention stop for commercials? Does it stop for the weather? I was told this was going to be live...
10:46 The right reason to go into politics is to challenge the status quo? Is that a Republican sentiment? And what's this about governing with integrity from the woman who fired public officials because of personal problems?
10:47 Oh... it's about spirit. Note that the good old boys have their heads on a mountain.
10:48 And another break. She was still talking when we went to commercials. I would think this was Fox censoring the candidate, but in this case that wouldn't make much sense.
10:52 Americans, join me in producing more gas! We have lots of it. I live in Wasilla, so clearly I know all about oil. I've been to Wasilla; there's no oil there!
10:54 It's not worth listening to this clown. Let's do some voice-over.

...Follow the Live blog in the comments

Invitation

So I am the last remaining member of Thousands who has not secured employment. I guess New York is really the land of opportunity. Fortunately I have a plan. Today I have begun my top-secret plan to subvert the government of the People's Republic of China. Today they received a whole bunch of truth-optional paperwork from me. With the help of a disgruntled Chinese national travel agent I will be able to convince them that I even have a round-trip ticket (and thus plans to leave China instead of a one-way ticket and plans to turn myself into an outsourcing option). More on that later, though.

For the time being, I'm at home on the computer. This is an invitation to join me in live-blogging Sarah "who's your mommy" Palin's speech, which Fox News assures us will be starting any minute now.

Come blog with me!

phantom beats

my ringtone for ages has been "let's make love and listen to death from above" by css. it's got this ghostly sort of feel to it, with a high pitch ephemeral melody that cuts through any conversation. a phone is an odd thing. a phone is basically an object that sits around doing nothing, then starts screaming "ME ME ME HELLO ITS ME AGAIN PICK ME UP PICK UP PICK PICK PICK ME UP" until someone picks the damn thing up. phones are objects of convenient urgency. and choosing the right sound to convey urgency is crucial. i've begun to hear css everywhere.

don't get me wrong - i normally hear songs everywhere (and not just through my beloved ipod). the j-m-z screeches out the first three notes to "over the rainbow" from the wizard of oz whenever it leaves an above-ground station. i hear beats in the clicking sound my air conditioner makes. but at least a few times every day, i think i hear "let's make love and listen to death from above" playing and my hand immediately dives for my right pocket. nope, just ghostly css melodies floating around again. i need a new ringtone.

in the meantime, i'll just overwhelm myself with everything else css has done.

lykke li - little bit (css remix)

the cribs - men's needs (css remix)

kylie minogue - wow (css remix)

also, kylie minogue is fuckin' sexy. she has had such an amazing career. madonna is a b-side kylie. there, i said it.

glamerica

One road trip and 40+ electronic resumes later (tangible evidence=0), I finally got an interview at the end of August. The managing editor couldn't resist when I showed up pertly dressed in business formal...probably immediately smitten with my sharp wit, raven-like eyes, the homemade "CONFIDENCE = COMPETENCE" pin on my lapel, and love of artisanal cheeses and anal-retentive workflows. AHA! And so I was offered a job.

(This isn't what happened at all. In fact, one of her interview questions was this: "As a stagnating bean sprout in the primordial pool of the entry-level, how do you sooth yourself to sleep at night through the shuddering sobs of self-denigration and hopelessness?" and I cried a little bit when I told her about a camp song that I sometimes sing)

I did get the job. I've finally moved into my Bushwick (or, in realtor speak, "East Williamsburg") sublet. I have a new home, and a new job. My new grocery store is the Food Bazaar and I can afford Top Ramen every other week. Could it be the American Dream?

So it's not exactly glamourous. But then again, isn't it? You get swept up in the Machine with your well-painted mask of apathy, but it's one that mercifully cracks from time to time. Holy bodega, look at us go. I can see all of Manhattan out my window, and I don't hate it.

What's up, thousands?

("applying for entry level," www.toothpastefordinner.com)

It really doesn't matter what you majored in

Yaya DaCosta, a former America's Next Top Model contestant and Brown University alum, is currently doing very well for herself onstage. She hasn't made it onto my ILCIWSUW* list quite yet, but she's keeping some good company. Leslie Uggams (who may arguably have a better name than Yaya, I don't know), a braodway diva from way back when I don't even know is sharing the spotlight with Yaya in the Signature Theater Company’s production of “The First Breeze of Summer.”
I care very little about any of this.
I do however, care about the clip below. This is DJ Ugg's rendition of "June is bustin' out all over" which has been stuck in my head all day long. The real lyrics, which are half as good, can be found here.


The hits really do write themselves folks.
(Thanks to Rachel Karpf for the thesbo-tip)


*Ivy league celebrities I would shack up with
Natalie Portman, Ed Norton.
Twice.

A fresh ear of corn.

So after a terrible day "at the office" (I really shouldn't be putting this in quotation marks- I know. But I can't actually write this in a non-satirical manner even though I do, in fact, work in an office.) I came home, only to realize that I had left my phone and keys on my bed that very same morning. I realized this right outside of the door to my apartment building.

It is at times like these that I must think of the happiest most rainbow and sunshine filled places ever before I lose my shit and send a Moltov cocktail firebomb into the police station across the street. Cue the hokey flashback noise, spinning camera blur, and take me back to Sunday afternoon...

Travis and I spent the good majority of our day wandering about Brooklyn, and ended up on an expansive roof in Bushwick. All the hip ass kids hid from the afternoon sun in the shady periphery, sunglasses still on, cigarettes dangling from lips. Burning accessories of cultivated boredom. In the far corner of the roof with a Manhattan skyline backdrop, some band rocked relentlessly even though nobody was really listening. They sucked, but their guitarist was wearing parachute pants, redeeming them in my eyes.

Post opening openers, opening for more openers (who would then watch those whom they opened for while getting good and drunk), Ninjasonik opened for Team Robespierre. Though Team Robespierre really rocked in the purest form of the word, I was still more charmed by the haphazard, half-assed performance of Ninjasonik. The sun was beginning to set, dipping the skyscape in gold, setting the mood for lyrics such as, "I'm a tight pants wearing ass n***a" (hint: not 'ninja'), and "I don't care if she got AIDS!" Ninjasonik lyrics may not be the most impressive examples of word-smithery in the industry, but they are enthusiastic to no end, and painfully hilarious.

Nearing the end of the set, the mosh-happy crowd swarmed around the duo, drunkenly improvising the words to "art school," a little ditty in which Ninjasonik professes their love for arty girls. This is my happy place. The police station across the street still stands.