Monday, September 1, 2008

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Fact: Alaska's state motto is "North to the Future." That is the second-best state motto after "Live Free or Die" (Nü Hampshire). The worst is Ohio's---"With God, All Things are Possible" ---because it is not true. ("Cincinnati? Do you mean Cincifratty Brohibro?" "...No."). HILARIOUS.

Mission Impossible Two, oh my God: people take off their faces in that movie like you and I walk down stairs (not that often, but with an air of aggressive 'of course'). The stressed characters (all of them; calm down Tom Cruise!) rub their temples and then, as if an afterthought, un-face. Dept. of Come On: director John Woo also made Face/Off. Some kinda formative childhood trauma he must've had. Then again, MI2 came out in 2000, when websites still asked you if you wanted Frames. The past is a foreign country: they face the future less figuratively there.

The word 'aggressive' is soon to join 'random' and 'awkward' in the graveyard of killing overuse. The millions of guilty will face no jury. 'Absurd' is endangered.

"Not at all" is a bizarre way to say "You're welcome."

"Thank you."
"No! Nooo!"

"Fuck you, fuck your fuckin' pizza, and fuck Frank Sinatra." Casting an Italian guy as a pizza shop owner is like casting a black guy as a criminal or inmate.

"Okay, get in the cell. Nice. Also, there is no movie."
--America

This post being a hodgepodge, I will tell you that Thousands's Ricky sent my family a thank-you sausage after crashing at our house. The packaging says this: "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? That's the best summer sausage I've ever had!"

Ricky, everyone: I am not kidding you.

2 comments:

Ricky P said...

woohooo, glad to hear the sausage arrived safely. Have you tried it yet? Stuff's delicious. Thanks again.

Michael said...

Let's not forget the motto for the Great State of Maryland:

"Manly deeds, womanly words"

Definitely wins for least timeless/most likely to cause a riot on the Dartmouth campus, which I think is the "Miss Congeniality" of state motto awards.