Sunday, August 31, 2008

that's not my name

i want a tattoo. i told myself, if i was going to get a tattoo, it would have to be something i'd be crazy about, something i would not immediately regret (you know, the same sort of feeling you get right after you masturbate), something that would both be aesthetically pleasing and be mega dopeness.

recently i've developed a major hard-on for airships. everything about airship history is amazingly interesting. topics like mystery airships, count ferdinand von zeppelin, the uss shenandoah, the list goes on. i could probably squeeze out a million blog posts about dirigibles. they've taken my musical inspiration to a whole new level - i want to create m83-esque layers of synth and sound that will evoke images of, say for example, a pack of armored triceratops wielding muskets piloting a zeppelin trying to fend off attacks from a swarm of raptors dropping spiked grenades from smaller, but much faster and agile gliders. meanwhile, far off in the distance, a coat of arms can be seen on an ominous black flag that cuts through a swath of clouds, concealing the legendary and feared airship of the t-rex.

*orgasm* (the good kind)

thus, i want to get a tattoo of an airship. i've spent the past week scouring google and deviantart for sketches of airships, and found a few to my liking. hayley sent me a link to a gawker-featured artist, myke amend. an artist who runs a blog about death and airships, the image seemed perfect.

then i found out he was commissioned to paint this airship for Dread Pirate Roberts, the frontman for the band Abney Park.

"Abney Park comes from an era that never was, but one that we wish had been. An era where airships waged war in the skies, and corsets and cummerbunds were proper adventuring attire. They've picked up their bad musical habits, scoundrelous musicians, and anachrostically hybridized instruments from dozens of locations and eras they have visited in their travels and thrown them into one riotous dervish of a performance. Expect clockwork guitars, belly dancers, flintlock bassists, middleastern percussion, violent violin, and Tesla powered keyboards blazing in a post-apocalyptic, swashbuckling, Steampunk musical mayhem."

scounderlous? middleastern? this sounds like a really good band. excuse me, what did i just say? no, as an honest person, this sounds like a shitty band whose entire fan base is made of single, white, pathetic males who still whack off daily to thoughts of female characters from the final fantasy games. to drive the point home, their songs (with names such as "i am stretched on your grave" and "thornes and brambles") sound like *shudder*... world music. they use stupid tribal beats, bizarre electronic melodies, and have a dude with a creepy voice singing about demons and despair. when's the PUNK part kick in? they even have a christmas album, with steampunk-ified versions of "little drummer boy" and "rudolf the rednosed raindeer".

where are they playing next? dragon con.

oh yea, you can also buy clothes in their store. im pretty sure the girl modeling the "vintage military hat" is the kind to try and choke you during missionary, because "her ex used to love that".

good gawd. i think if i ever saw someone wearing an airship combat kilt, i might vomit blood into their eyes. so now i can't get a tattoo of this really beautiful airship, because i would be forever associated with some steaming pile of shitpunk. always fact check your tats, folks. i could've easily been living the rest of my life being asked by 35 year-old virgins which Abney Park album i liked the best, like "the death of tragedy" or "from dream or angels", and whether i thought kristina or finn von klaret was hotter (two unexplicable female members of the band). at least my idea of putting dinosaurs in zeppelins means i'm not taking this stupid shit seriously. plus, dinosaurs.

closing thoughts? i'll leave that to nathan, the band's guitarist:

1 comment:

Zamdrovsky said...

Choked during missionary...true story!